I want my energy and my arse back. Both have gone AWOL. My energy disappeared weeks ago probably even a couple of months now but my arse is more recent. A couple of weeks back I noticed a sensation I hadn’t been aware of before, around my upper legs and butt. It felt like a fold of skin at the top of my legs and my arse felt flabby. I wondered what was going on to cause the flabby factor? (Err, could it be that exercise was ditched weeks ago and the fact I’m sitting or lying on said arse all day everyday doing sweet FA?). I looked in the mirror. WTF? That’s not my arse. Where’s the curvey round bit? And what’s that bit hanging down the back of my legs? OMG it’s like saggy old breasts hanging on a saggy old chest. I could probably hold a pen there. No wonder all my shorts are hanging off me, there’s no arse to fill them out.
Ive never given much thought to my arse before let alone place any value on it but suddenly I’m very aware I don’t have one. It’s a soft flat piece of nothingness. M says it’ll come back and I ask if any of you see it, could you please send it my way? I miss it.
As for the loss of energy, I know it will return one day. I have glimpses of it and even more so after the transfusion but it’s far from what it was pre-squatter. I’m constantly nurturing what’s left and hope, like my heamoglobin, that it keeps building up. Treatment starts tomorrow and I’m gonna need every skerrick of energy to deal with whatever delightful side effects play out. I dread the thought.
I’ve been told I might feel burning sensations from the radiation, which led Dr Ooh la la to ask if I was through menopause? I wondered what that had to do with radiation? He was apparently treading carefully around how precious I was toward my ovaries. I had to hold back an outburst of laughter, if only he knew me. The chick who never had a desire to give birth, nor be a mother and waited for her biological clock to kick in (because apparently it does eventually) and was relieved when it never did? Care about ovaries being in tact at 54 after radiation? You gotta be kidding me. Take them with the squatter please and take them now.