Phase one of fuck off Squatter, done. 

Part B of Friday’s post struggled to reveal itself. Perhaps due to the writer battling it out with a reluctant squatter that’s refusing to budge and is causing as much havoc as it possibly can before being booted out the back door. As if it doesn’t know where the back door is?! Hul-Lo? Arsehole. To spare readers who aren’t into detail, I’ll try to drliver this post as  a news report rather than airport novel. 
Headline:

Squatter eviction for Byron Bay woman is causing more angst than anticipated. 

Body copy:

A 54 year old Byron Bay woman who all her life, feared the medical world, is finding herself fully immersed in it after a dodgy colonoscopy diagnosis in December 2016. Having just completed five weeks of radiation therapy with chemo, she is now facing the full brunt of the treatment as she struggles with an out of whack bowel and a tenacious squatter that continues to cause constipation and diarrhoea. Movical has been prescribed for one and Gastro-stop for the other. Concerns for turning into a walking pharmacy bother her yet not taking them require a skill she is yet to acquire. Meantime she’s floundering to find her own way. 

When asked how this feels, she said “its like the worst case of curry burn you can ever imagine. Think crushed glass and razors jostling for pole position to be the first out of the shortest escape route. And trust me…” she continues…”curry is not better the next day!”

“The bowel has been moved about in there and given some mega high doses of sun burn. So whilst my skin has paled from being indoors for five weeks, my bowel has been at the solarium overdosing on colour. And the solarium technicians got a bit focussed on a couple of those days so now there’s some peeling going on, and I’ve gotta say that peeling ‘down there’ is far from fun.”

“Imagine poohing many more times than the daily recommendation, and each time wiping many many more times than once and on each of those times, wiping away a teensy bit of raw skin. Exactly. Not fun.” 

So, how are you managing the pain? “Good question. I’m still working it out. So far, I’m taking Endone every two to four hours and every second dose I add two panadol. Before bed I take the above as well as Targin and do the same in the mornings. And I’ve been given a mix of Sorbelene and Lignocaine for the burning ring of fire downstairs. Jodie, one of the legendary radio therapy nurses, rang to follow up but I was busy dealing with my burning ring to hear the phone’s ring. I’ll return her call after this.” 

Well, we’ll let you go then, thanks for your time and good luck with phase two of the eviction process, it’s quite a process. “You’re telling me?!”

Below: The cherub otherwise known as Kezzie, one of the legendary radiation nurses. Think mothers that never get grumpy and will do anything for you at anytime. 

Farewelling the mint green number

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17 thoughts on “Phase one of fuck off Squatter, done. 

  1. Your descriptive powers are being finely honed Mitchell such that I’m pulling facial contortions as I read. God it must be the pain pits. So keep taking any drugs they give you. Sending lots of positive loving supportive comforting energies the 1640 kms to your place. Huge hugs. Xx

  2. A walking pharmacy is better than a walking pain in the arse, sorry couldn’t resist, you know my take on it………….take the drugs baby. Thinking of you all the time and sending out white light and love always big kiss’s vic and Philly Willy

    1. Hey Spinhead, I love your email I haven’t replied to and the gift of gorgeousness that arrived in the mail on Friday. I have the soothing perfume of geranium and lavender on my hands right now. Gawj. Thank you for the time and effort and thought you took to put into it. I feel the Blue Mountain love big time. Xx

  3. Ouchy burnies. I can’t imagine what it was like for you watching the video of the two blokes eating the world’s hottest chilli…sucker for punishment…I hope it begins to subside soon. If all else fails, bum in bath with icy cold water. You’re doing amazingly. Anyone who can retain their humour through this gets multiple gold stars from me. ❤

  4. Prue, you’re a legend in your own time! Congratulations on getting so far with your treatment and treating it with such tremendous humour! I will remember NEVER to complain about how I feel again! I couldn’t go through what you have done, and is the f….. squatter still there???! I don’t know how it survived! Well done to you both and we send you all our love and thoughts! Keep writing! Love Chris and Alan Heath

    1. Ha ha thanks Chris and Alan. Yes the f’ing squatter is still there. If it doesn’t leave after being in the solarium for 5 weeks then the heavy artillery will be brought in. The major general surgeon will bring in his team armed with scalpels and heads will roll!

  5. Oh Prue….that squatter sounds like a stubborn little F….k….. the sooner he goes the better. Soooo glad you have bonded with drugs…. anything to relieve the pain..
    .🌻🌈❤️🌹🌈🌻…. sending love and hugs your way….

  6. Hey Prue, if you get tired of your existing subtitle may I suggest: “Putting haemorrhoids in perspective”. Admittedly doesn’t quite have the ring (and… pause) your current one does but it’s most certainly on point. I’m still squirming after “wiping away a teensy bit of raw skin”. Lucky I have a standing desk eh?!

    p.s. nice frock love.

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